I really need to quit comparing myself to other people. As I'm approaching my year anniversary of being at FXB I'm disappointed in myself for not pushing harder. A year later and I'm down 50 pounds. I'd like to have seen that # be sooooo much more. I know that it could have been, had I given it 100% and not 99%. I'm not progressing fast enough to my liking. I keep hitting road blocks and most of them are in my head, other times not so much. I often catch myself thinking, I'm just not built to be skinny. I have broad shoulders, I have big bones, I'm not made up to be that skeletal structure and I have to accept that. Truth is, I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be fit. I want to see muscle definition, I want to not feel like a bowl full of jello when I'm doing jumping jacks in a room full of people.
When I ran at Young Arena last week I was off to the side doing dips from this bench. An older gentleman had just gotten there and was stretching out. We made eye contact but I just say hi as I was listening to my iPhone. A few minutes later I took them off and we struck up a conversation. He talked about his fitness level at his age, how he had to back off from running and now he just walks. We talked about his wife and kids. We talked about my journey and and what got me to start working out. We talked about my dog (imagine that), and we even touched on the topic of Tough Mudder. It was then that he said something that stuck. "You will get where you want to be, it will take time but you have determination. I watched you do laps, I watched you do stairs and you did it all on your own, and most importantly you didn't look discouraged when that smaller girl was doing it right next to you." Wait. What? I immediately stopped and interrupted and said, "What do you mean? I didn't see anyone next to me?" His response. "That's my point. She was on the other side of you and you didn't even notice." I thought long and hard about this for quite some time. We finished up our conversation with actually introducing ourselves. I told him my name was Melissa and he said, small world, my name is Mel..and as we shook hands he said "Keep doing what you're doing, your smile lights up this room. Have a blessed day!"
I keep having to come back to that 10 minute conversation. I need the reminder that I'm doing the best that I can do. That's all that matters. It's just hard to feel good about what you've accomplished when I look at other friends and what level they are at....a lot of them moving on from FXB and I'm still pushing along wondering if I'll ever get where I want to be. I don't even know where I want to be...but I loathe for the day that I can be okay with where I'm at. Where I won't look in the mirror and say "You are so fat." I'm so far from that point in my life and it saddens me that I even think that way at times. I know there is much more to me than the fat rolls....hopefully soon I'll see myself for something more.
P.S. In case you are wondering it's two months and 10 days until Tough Mudder Chicago!!! #FREAKINGOUT
When I ran at Young Arena last week I was off to the side doing dips from this bench. An older gentleman had just gotten there and was stretching out. We made eye contact but I just say hi as I was listening to my iPhone. A few minutes later I took them off and we struck up a conversation. He talked about his fitness level at his age, how he had to back off from running and now he just walks. We talked about his wife and kids. We talked about my journey and and what got me to start working out. We talked about my dog (imagine that), and we even touched on the topic of Tough Mudder. It was then that he said something that stuck. "You will get where you want to be, it will take time but you have determination. I watched you do laps, I watched you do stairs and you did it all on your own, and most importantly you didn't look discouraged when that smaller girl was doing it right next to you." Wait. What? I immediately stopped and interrupted and said, "What do you mean? I didn't see anyone next to me?" His response. "That's my point. She was on the other side of you and you didn't even notice." I thought long and hard about this for quite some time. We finished up our conversation with actually introducing ourselves. I told him my name was Melissa and he said, small world, my name is Mel..and as we shook hands he said "Keep doing what you're doing, your smile lights up this room. Have a blessed day!"
I keep having to come back to that 10 minute conversation. I need the reminder that I'm doing the best that I can do. That's all that matters. It's just hard to feel good about what you've accomplished when I look at other friends and what level they are at....a lot of them moving on from FXB and I'm still pushing along wondering if I'll ever get where I want to be. I don't even know where I want to be...but I loathe for the day that I can be okay with where I'm at. Where I won't look in the mirror and say "You are so fat." I'm so far from that point in my life and it saddens me that I even think that way at times. I know there is much more to me than the fat rolls....hopefully soon I'll see myself for something more.
P.S. In case you are wondering it's two months and 10 days until Tough Mudder Chicago!!! #FREAKINGOUT
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